i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
