is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
