It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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