i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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