oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
