well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dignity is for republicans.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
