Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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