Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
