Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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