So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
