Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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