i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
