we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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