my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
