Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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