i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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