They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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