she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
