Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
