guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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