Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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