You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
