I don't remember. Are we still dating?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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