lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
