Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
