I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
