Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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