Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
