Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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