I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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