So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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