the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
