I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
