I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just blew my weed a kiss
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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