the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
