Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You made out with two different species that night
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
