Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
