can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
