I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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