I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
