i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
