I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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