3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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