I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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