One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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