No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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