sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
