I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
