3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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