Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
