Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm both gender and math confused
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
