My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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