I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
