I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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