can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
