No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So many bounce houses so little time
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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