everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
