omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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