Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
