Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
