He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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