It's Friday. Sex?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
