She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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