Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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