Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
