Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize