This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
