i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize