I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
