I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize