Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
