I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
