You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
