found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
