i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize