..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
