He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
