Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
