Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
