That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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