Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
