my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
