i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
