Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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