it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
