ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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