my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
