im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
