I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
