Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize