clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
