So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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