i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
