We need to rekindle our bromance
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
